Fear

Fear can be a debilitating emotion. It can keep you stuck. It can keep paralyzed. It can cause a long list of responses, like anger, frustration, and panic to name a few. It can appear in your life in so many ways, too many to name, and it’s individualized. It changes from person to person.

I recently dealt with this in my life. I was afraid to try a new writing project because I didn’t know how people would response. This fear paralyzed me. I didn’t want to deal with the potential fallout. I didn’t want to hear negatives. I didn’t know what else could appear in my life by doing this particular project. Who would be angry? Who would treat me bad? Who would be hurt? It has held me back for a long time.

How do I move past this paralyzing situation?

I think I’ve figured it out. First, I’m borrowing trouble by worrying about things that actually haven’t happened yet. They may never happen, or my fears could be correct, and it turns into a mess. Either way, it doesn’t matter. I need to focus on the present. I have a dream in my heart, and that usually means there’s a reason. If I concentrate on the task of writing this manuscript and nothing else, then I’m dealing with the only thing that is currently important. Nothing else should interfere. If and when I finish my manuscript and decide to sell it or self-publish, then I worry about that task. What I’ve learned by this process is that other people’s opinions are not my concern. No, I don’t want to hurt anyone, but if I can help other’s maneuver and heal damages that have been done to them, then it’s all worth it. It’s worth it to me to follow my dreams and to help others. Who should stop someone from doing that? No one. No one should stop me if they have my best interest at heart and if they care and love me. If they don’t, then their opinion isn’t my concern.

This approach will work with almost every conceivable issue. Don’t borrow trouble. Work on the task that is before you. Don’t worry about the problems that could happen. They haven’t happened yet. When and if they do, think about this: are they mad or angry because they are living in their own fear? Most likely. Do they have your best interest at heart? Most likely no. Will you do good by following through with your plans? If the answer is yes, I would suggest to go ahead and do it. Most likely, the people that hold you back are at fault for the trauma/abuse that you live with everyday. You may not wish them harm but if your story or your tasks helps others, then it’s worth it. You’ll bring in the right people into your life and keep the ones that cause you harm out.

 

 

Are you aware?

When I started college ages ago, I took a class that taught behavioral awareness, which is basically how and why people do the things they do. It wasn’t a very detailed class but more of an overview. I learned that there were five levels of competency. Most people live their lives in the first level, which basically is that you don’t know, and you don’t know that you don’t know. You are unaware that there is another way of life, a life that you can make changes to and learn new skills creating a better life for yourself.

Consciously competent is the 4th level, and it’s when you learn and develop skills and determine appropriate behaviors and actions for success. It needs the added bonus of using this knowledge and skills to be most effective.

This information made me realize that I was living my life, plodding along, and knowing it wasn’t great, but I didn’t know that something could be done to change it. I knew that my life was stuck in misery. I didn’t have a good self-worth. I knew that I felt horrible. People made me feel horrible about myself. I didn’t like how I treated others either. This class showed me that there is hope. I can make changes, even baby steps, to creating a “normal” life. I can correct behaviors, see my value, and shift my life in a better direction.

The hardest part is learning to be consciously aware of your behaviors, actions, reactions, thoughts, and words. It’s taking a pause before you move forward. It’s assessing a situation before you knee-jerk react to something or someone.

In the previous post, I shared a breathing exercise. That exercise helps quiet the brain but it can also teach you how to become aware of your thoughts. If you can learn that skill, it can open you up to fixing “issues” that weigh you down and changing negative behaviors to positive ones. You can become aware. In the spiritual realm, this is basically presence.

The exercise I would suggest is start to become aware of what the voice in your head is saying when you do your breathing exercises. Are they negative? Are they mean?  Are they judgmental? Are they loving? Are they encouraging?

In a future post, I’ll explain what that voice is and why it’s saying the things it says.

Until then, I encourage you to continue the breathing exercises and start to become aware of what thoughts you have. It’s the beginning that could change your life!